Many paths to abundance

Elizabeth Felicetti’s new book (and mine)

I am a barren woman. In January I had a hysterectomy, making it official that I will not bear a child. My path to this point was a mixture of choices I made and conditions outside of my control, usually intertwined—I was choosing among limited options. 

The past decade included enough grief to fill me with compassion for those who are formally diagnosed with infertility and who have struggled with the adoption process. U.S. society, including religious spaces, often neglects to acknowledge the varied experiences, often painful ones, that lead to childlessness. Like many others, I have frequent interactions with people who think it’s a casual question to ask if I have children. I sometimes feel defensive. I don’t want to tell my whole story—nor is the asker prepared to hear it, despite being the one who brought up the topic—but I also want to avoid getting labeled selfish or weird. Leaving other people’s opinions to them, I know that I am an advocate for parents wherever possible. And I cherish being an engaged aunt, godmother, member of a multigenerational cohousing community, pastor, and friend. In all of my vocations, I care for people of all ages and other creatures.

I would have much less time and energy for all of my work and activities if I were a mother. I’m grateful to Elizabeth Felicetti for naming that. In her new book, Unexpected Abundance: The Fruitful Lives of Women without Children, she writes, “As women who have children explore and embrace the ways in which motherhood enriches their lives, we who are barren—by choice or not—need to be allowed to celebrate the fruit that our lives can bear because we don’t have children.” Elizabeth tells the stories of childless women in a variety of vocations, such as the biblical Mary and Martha, St. Clare of Assisi, Pauli Murray, and Dolly Parton—who describes her songs as her children. 

That resonates with me as, like Elizabeth, I brought my first book into the world this week. We’re part of the same writing group, and it has been wonderful to encourage each other through researching, writing, and revising. Now I look forward to seeing how our books take on lives of their own as readers find and engage with them.

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Book update: It’s out!

What You Sow Is a Bare Seed: A Countercultural Christian Community during Five Decades of Change is available for purchase directly from the publisher. (I expect it to be on Bookshop and Kindle within a couple of weeks.) In the meantime, if you buy from from Wipf & Stock, there is a 40% discount through September 30, 2023. After clicking Buy, proceed to the page “Your Cart” and enter the coupon code, RENEWAL, in the Discounts field.

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Reading and listening

Recovery from surgery was the perfect time to read Heather Corinna’s What Fresh Hell Is This? Perimenopause, Menopause, Other Indignities and You. The heading for the book description on Corinna’s website, “what to expect when you’re not expected to expect anything anymore” gives a taste of how hilarious and candid the book is about all of middle age. (Readers who have been around at least a month know that I turned 40 on July 9.) 

This pair of New York Times articles about menopause and hormone therapy was also clarifying:

Women Have Been Misled About Menopause by Susan Dominus. Published Feb. 1, 2023, Updated June 15, 2023

5 Things to Know About Menopause and Hormone Therapy

There has long been an effective, F.D.A.-approved treatment for some menopausal symptoms, but too few women have a clear picture of its risks and benefits.

More recently, I read and appreciated “A prophet is never welcome,” by Kaya Oakes, Residuum, August 1, 2023.

“Sinéad O'Connor gave Gen X Catholic girls a model for what it means to stop being good and start asking for justice.” 

I’ve been listening Sugar Nova’s debut album Halogen. The vocalist is my friend Rachel, who is also an amazing, creative woman who has not borne children.