20 books that changed my life

Inspiration from Alison Bechdel

My beloved came home from an event at Women & Children First and told me the famed feminist bookstore had announced an upcoming event with Alison Bechdel. “I’d love to go see Alison Bechdel,” I said, “Are You My Mother? is one of the top, I don’t know, 20 books that changed my life. It led me to a moment of epiphany that I’m still affected by.”

It got me thinking about which other books were transformative for me in some way. I looked up at our bookshelves we built in our living room (up to our ceiling, which was very important to me).

I also remembered a post I’d written 11 years ago while I was on staff at the Christian Century magazine and the website was a hungry beast for original content. (If you can relate, I recommend Sad Desk Salad: not a book that changed my life, but a fun satirical novel.) It turned out to be a worthwhile exercise to think of ten books I’d read multiple times.

A decade later, it’s noteworthy which of the books that brought me back for multiple reads are also ones that were transformative for me. Along with Are You My Mother? by Alison Bechdel, these books have been the most influential in my life and thinking:

1. Another Country, by James Baldwin. During my high school years, this was perhaps the most formative book that I and several of my closest friends read, assigned in African American Literature class. Like Baldwin’s characters, we learned how history’s affects us in the present as we navigated our own interracial friendships and relationships, .

2. Down Girl, by Kate Manne. In this 2017 book, Manne distinguishes between sexism and misogyny: sexism is an ideology that holds women are not capable of all of the same tasks or roles as men. Misogyny is any behavior that undermines, belittles, and punishes women to enforce the norms of patriarchy. Its logic can recognize that in many cases a woman is more talented, capable, or accomplished than the average man, but it maintains that women must be subordinate to men. Since reading that, I have seen that distinction over and over, and it has sharpened my analysis and response.

3. Gifts of Grace, by Mary Schramm. The understanding that all of us, at any age and in any walk of life, have gifts to share with the world shaped the community that Mary Schramm and her husband, John, started—which I wrote a book about—and formed me in my faith and approach to life.

4. The Return of the Prodigal Son, by Henri J.M. Nouwen. Nouwen’s insights from exploring each character in the biblical story, and Rembrandt’s painting of the parable, resonate with my own spiritual and emotional challenges. I learn something new each time I read it, which I did again earlier this year.

5. Silence, by Shusaku Endo — I believe Endo captures the heart of Christianity in the climax of the main character’s transformation.

6. Stamped from the Beginning, by Ibram X. Kendi. This history of the U.S. offers analysis of racist and anti-racist ideas, groups, and movements. I got from the introduction the phrase “human hierarchies” that I have in the mission statement and liturgy of Moveable Feast, the community I pastor: We are “daily striving to dismantle racism, classism, misogyny, and all human hierarchies within ourselves, our community, our society, and the world,” among our other characteristics.

7. and 8. Trauma Stewardship and The Age of Overwhelm, by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky with Connie Burk. I see these as essential books for pastors and activists— though they’re for all who through their work are exposed to pain and brokenness in the world, including that of the earth itself. They helped me understand how my work affects me and to let go of outcomes.

9–11. The Westmark trilogy, by Lloyd Alexander. Theo is the fictional character to whom I most relate. He fails to meet the (very high) ethical standards he held for himself as he moves from youth into adulthood. Yet he continues to strive for a just society.

For those of who may be thinking, What about the Bible? Aren’t you a pastor? Well, I’m in the camp that holds the Bible is a library, a collection of histories, letters, prophecies, biographies, and more. But from those that could be called books, these nine complete my list of 20 books that changed me (and are still transformative): Samuel, Isaiah, Psalms, all four Gospels, and the Revelation of John.

During the question-and-answer portion of the event with Alison Bechdel earlier this month, many young writers and artists in the audience asked her advice. She advised to not focus on the outcome, success, or any imagined future point. Instead, she tries to enjoy the work. Another audience member asked her, essentially, which books she comes back to, works that have changed her life. She replied, the writings of Virginia Woolf—another author who likely couldn’t have imagined the effect of her work on her readers far beyond her lifetime.

Reading and listening

I wrote two essays for Café, an online magazine published by Women of the ELCA:

The spiritual life of gardening

“Though my gardens are at the edge of buildings and sidewalks and empty lots, still I am joining the myriad generations who have labored in this way since God put human beings in a garden to serve and preserve the soil.”

Faith reflections: Genesis 1: 11-13, 29-30

“We all know the benefits of eating our vegetables. Yet, being food is not the only way plants nourish us.”

Last month, I took part in a meditative time led by Julian Davis Reid and Tramaine Parker with Notes of Rest, with words and music about practices of rest and sabbath. They also shared the song “Mercy We Need,” which taps into grief both personal and political. And Reid’s album Rest Assured combining jazz piano with familiar hymns keeps me grounded in weary times.